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So here is Part 2.
I don’t know if you remember Maxwell from the proposal. Hmm
If you don’t let me remind you, so I used to date this really nice man called Maxwell, the only problem, I was a complete asshole to him so he decided to teach me a lesson by proposing to me on April 1st. It was the worst April Fool’s joke I had ever encountered. I could not even look at him after realizing that I had been fooled.
Fast forward a few months later I met this nice, tall young man with dimples, yes I said it, dimples, he has the cutest smile ever. I met him at my cousin’s little shindig and then we decided to hook up, after about four dates he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was born in 1984, so that actually makes me thirty one years old this year and did the punk ask me to be his girlfriend.
“Sharon” Tunde said snapping me out of my day dream.
“Yes” I replied snapping back into reality.
“Did you hear what I asked?” he said looking confused, the arch on his left brow was so sexy especially in the confused state.
“I did, but I don’t think so” I replied. He looked crestfallen,
“Why?” he asked.
“You are a great guy and all but” I began, he looked at me so hard that the words I wanted to say just vanished. I wasn’t going to turn him down but I had to let him know that I wasn’t what he was looking for. Any female above thirty should not be “girlfriend material”. I don’t care if you don’t agree with me but honestly speaking I have been someone’s girlfriend since high school, can I at least get a break from that title?
“What is the problem?” he asked with a straight face.
“I don’t want to be a girlfriend, I want to be a future prospect, I have been a girlfriend all my life and I think it’s boring for me already.” I responded not knowing how I was able to get the whole sentence out of my mouth without my heart skipping a beat. He smiled. I don’t know why he smiled and I also don’t know what he was thinking but I got a little frazzled after watching him smile.
“I like the way you think but let us take one day at a time at least get to know each other, hopefully we can end up liking each other after we get to know each other’s bad habits, you may end up not liking me after you find out that I don’t eat meat” he said and smiled.
“You don’t eat meat? “ I asked. I couldn’t stand vegetarians, they made their choice for not eating meat like a religion, like they were better than other people who ate meat, made people like me feel unhealthy and I hope he wasn’t the kind who made that effortless announcement in public about not eating meat.
“It’s been about a month, a new lifestyle change” he replied and smiled.
“Oh a month, that is not long enough, you can still slip back into your old ways, if you hang out with me well enough you probably would” I told him.
“Then I would consider you a bad influence” he replied. I felt selfish, but why in the world would someone decided to give up meat, meat always made everything taste good, jollof rice and meat, fried rice and meat, vegetable soup and meat, why on earth would he want to give up meat? It sounded like a man who could see wanting to go blind, but I know that any of the members of the vegetarian club would shoot me dead if I made the comparison sound like that, they would probably tell me it was like getting your sight back after blindness.
“Oh please” I said and waved my hand in disgust. “What else are you trying to get rid of?” I asked.
“Eggs, chicken, milk, mostly dairy, I am slowly quitting alcohol too” he replied trying to gauge my reaction.
“Are you serious?” You are quitting all the best things in life” I shrieked. How could he want to quit alcohol? If we ever went out on a date to celebrate something, we would pop apple cider instead of champagne, or is he trying to be deliberately cheap because liquor is expensive and I am not cheap, I won’t resort to soda not to even talk about water. He also added eggs to the list, what is breakfast without eggs? What is moin moin without eggs? I put eggs in my fried rice, I love eggs, they taste great, those beautiful birds lay eggs that taste great why on earth would Tunde deprive himself of eating eggs calling it a lifestyle choice. We would all die of something one day so while we are still breathing it is best to eat all the food available.
“I am quitting all the best things in life. You are not quitting and I won’t hold it against you” Tunde replied.
“It will be awkward though” I said.
“How?” he asked looking at me intently.
“I would have a plate with dairy and you will just eat mostly salad and other stuff” I replied folding my hands like a naughty little girl. He laughed.
“Don’t feel that way. Everyone has their preferences” he replied. “So back to the question?” he continued trying to get us back on track to the girlfriend and potential wife question.
“I am not settling for girlfriend” I replied.
“Let’s take one day at a time” he soothed. After watching a whole lot of sermons after Maxwell played me, I decided to play my cards right, Tunde looked like a king but was acting like a joker right now. It was over three months and he hadn’t said a single thing about knowing the color of my bra, sounds like a keeper right or wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I am a freak, I love having sex and I beginning to feel celibate, like my vagina walls are drying up, I haven’t had sex in over three months, but how can I bring up the topic about having sex and not sound desperate or like a slut and also did he give up sex too?
“I am not cut out for that, I have things that could occupy my time and I need to know where I am headed, I am not a science experiment, like a toy you play with and put back on the shelf, I am a real woman with real feelings who intends to find someone who is on the same page and get married and have kids, that is what I want, anything less than that please keep it moving.” I told him, I couldn’t believe that I said all that in one breath and I still kept a straight face. He looked defeated, he probably didn’t think I would stick up for myself, I also didn’t think so either but I am tired of men running in and out of my life like a bus stop. I needed to be someone’s final destination, not a stop for a man to pick up another woman.
“I understand, I really like you but I haven’t thought that far yet” he said. The words came out like a bomb from his mouth, he hadn’t thought that far yet, did he think we were still in college taking subjects and do homework later.
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